"It's not rational to expect a grown person to have to not break
anything so tiny," Iruka said. "I mean -- those dolls the girls
play with -- they're scaled smaller because they're for children, aren't
"Not really, no," Kakashi said.
"How do you know? You're an only child too!" Iruka was sounding
nearly panic-stricken, and trembling in his arms.
It really wouldn't, Kakashi thought, be the best time to explain that he'd
been sent to smother newborn children in their cribs, so that there would
be no blood and no evidence of foul play, because newborn infants died silently
all the time; it was the least suspicious way to eliminate an inconveniently
born heir, really.
Instead, he patted Iruka's belly with a gentle hand, and said, "Let's
take this over to the toy aisle and do a comparison. And maybe we can get
a doll. An early birthday present of sorts."
"And something to practice with," Iruka added, still shaken, looking
at a pair of tiny socks. "Look at those. How am I not going to clip off
a toe by mistake?"
"All of your students used to be that little once," Kakashi observed.
"Yes, but they've had the decency to grow since then!"
Not going to laugh. Not going to laugh. Not going to-- oh hell.
"Kakashi! I'm being serious!"
That's the problem, love... "I'm just saying," Kakashi wheezed,
fending off a beating from the tiny yellow flannel thing. "I'm just saying...
ask their parents...! They've dealt with them at that size...!"
"Oh!" Iruka stopped hitting him immediately, and turned
toward the cashier. "You're right -- let's go! I'll go pay for this,
you go find someone's mother--"
"Easy, love," Kakashi murmured, holding him still. "They'll
still be mothers half an hour from now, and tomorrow. We have time."
"Not that much time."
"But we have enough." Kakashi brushed a kiss against Iruka's forehead,
and added, "Besides, we're going to need a doll to practice on too, right?"
"...Oh. Right. Which
way are the toys?"
"Left at sporting goods and on past the adult-games display with the
D-lock," Kakashi answered without hesitation. Iruka looked at him with
half-lidded eyes. "...What?"
"I would ask if you always navigate by the type of lock on the adult
materials, except that I don't really need to hear the answer."
It got you irritated enough to stop panicking, didn't it, Kakashi
thought to himself with an inner smile, but all he said aloud was "Whatever
you say, dear."