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FFVII AUs - fan-fanfics for Ciceqi, #3 of 3 (set in Hillbillyverse, Zack/Cloud) - ChibiRisu-chan
January 8th, 2008
10:14 pm

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FFVII AUs - fan-fanfics for Ciceqi, #3 of 3 (set in Hillbillyverse, Zack/Cloud)
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Annnnnd here's the third of them. ^___^;; was wayyy too tired to post it and link it last night...

Title: Holy Writ
Fandom: FFVII
Author: chibirisuchan based on ciceqi's Hillbillyverse AU
Ratings: PG-13
Disclaimer: totally not mine; never even played it in fact...


Aside from the time Reno took that one bet about the carob nuts and Pop Shinra's big black chocobo, the town had been plumb dry on new gossip since Highwind arrived. Weren't no sense in whispering about a man when he'd go and curse you out to your face loud enough the whole town could hear it all straight the first time through, which made the gossip mill old news before it even got the chance to get properly going.

Having been brought up in the town, and feeling an odd kind of familial duty to the way things were done in those parts, Vince went and tried to explain to Highwind about how the womenfolk liked to gossip about new folks, and how it weren't sociable to deprive them of their entertainment.

Highwind said 'sociable' was a highfalutin word for 'a load of rubbish' (only with a few more curse words in) and he didn't pay the womenfolk no nevermind to start with.

There weren't nothing Vince could say to that. So he held his peace, and left the womenfolk to stew.

It was an outright scandal how there weren't no scandals at all fit to gossip over, though -- at least, none that hadn't been jawed to death already. Lu's baby had had all the gossip the poor wee mite could bear before it was even born. There were a few months of whispers when the babe turned out white-haired as one of Hojo's scientifical rats, what with old Myra swearing up down and sideways that it was proof of the devil's work in the village. But when the littl'un didn't turn out to spit up fire and brimstone after all, folks were a bit disappointed in old Myra's prognostications.

And that left them without a single new source of gossip for months.

Everybody knew about Reno, after all; folks reckoned there weren't hardly no surprises left, not after the chocobo. Or rather, nothing got to be surprising anymore, on account of he always came up with all kinds of tomfool stunts.

It would've been a fair sight more surprising if he'd pressed his shirts and tucked them in and shown up to church of a Sunday; but even Reno wouldn't be caught going that far to scratch up some attention from the womenfolk.

So the gossip mill was just about shriveled up and run dry as Pop Shinra's mercy, when the new preacher man came to town.

Nobody quite knew for sure who it was went and filled the new preacher man's ears about Zack and the Strife boy. Good money was betting on that hussy Scarlet, on account of how she could have just about any man in town who was single or discontented with his wife, but she'd been sniffing around their heels for years and never got so much as a pat on the head out of it, and she was mighty sour over that. But Zack was good with the kids, and he'd taught them all their prayers since he was old enough to read the good book himself; and if you were a new young preacher in a traditionalist town, you couldn't let rumors like that go flying about the town's Sunday school teacher, not if'n you wanted to hold your head up in civilized company afterwards.

Folks didn't envy Pastor Reeve a bit, but on the other hand once it had been brought up, he couldn't just let it lie neither, they reckoned. If the new pastor did go and leave that kind of accusation unspoken-about, well then, what kind of a pastor was he? The poor man was stuck between a rock and a hard place, but then that was what being a pastor was for, and they were all mightily glad it wasn't them that had to do the difficult talking.

So Pastor Reeve went and invited himself over to the ranch for tea, and brought a proper tea-cake and everything, because Zack was a fine young man otherwise, and it wouldn't do to go driving a wedge into the church over a mouthful of sour-grapes gossip, and so he had to try hard to make it all civilized.

It was a Saturday, so the kids had been let free from the schoolhouse, and their favorite thing to do on a free day -- well, no, scratch that; their favorite thing to do on a free day was run around kicking up mischief, but their second-favorite was to form up a posse and herd the Strife boy out to the pens and beg and plead and wheedle until he'd let them all take turns riding for a little spell.

Pastor Reeve complimented Zack's tea, and Zack chuckled over how it weren't good enough for that old coot Highwind but most other folks seemed to like it fine. And Zack complimented Pastor Reeve's tea-cake, which it turned out he'd gone and baked himself, on account of Zack really was a fine young man, and he wasn't looking forward to having this talk in any way, shape, or form; but there weren't no right-minded way out of it neither, and so he was plumb stuck, and rather sour on that no-'count Scarlet for getting him into this pickle to start with.

There was a certain kind of glitter in Zack's eye that said he knew damn well what Pastor Reeve had gone and invited himself over about, the tea-cake notwithstanding, and he wasn't about to go and make it no easier to say. Pastor Reeve couldn't rightly blame him neither, but he had a job to do, whether or not he liked it much.

"Zack," Pastor Reeve said, "you're a good young man. I know that. You know the good book better than some of the preachers I've met. And I am mightily sorry to have to be saying this, but it's my bounden duty to ask--"

"Yes, sir?" Zack wasn't giving a blessed inch, and Pastor Reeve could have cordially hated him for a minute, if'n he hadn't felt such a downright heel for being on the boy's porch repeating nasty rumors over tea in the first place.

"There's a verse in the book of Leviticus, chapter 22," Pastor Reeve said, and the pattern on the teacup was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "About how a man shall not lie down with a man as with a woman, and Zack, son, you know what I have to ask you."

"I know," Zack said, and took a sip of tea, and looked out at where the Strife boy was lifting a squealing little girl with pigtails down from the back of a big fat slow-footed chocobo with the sweetest disposition ever. "I reckon you didn't even need to ask, sir," he said.

"I'm sorry," Pastor Reeve said. "I really am. The children love you both--"

"I reckon you didn't need to ask," Zack said, with a sharp look, "on account of how I'll swear on my mother's grave that I never in my life laid down with that boy the way I would lie with a woman."

Pastor Reeve was plumb flummoxed over that, and spent a while trying to figure out how to get his head on straight again. "Huh?" he said, which weren't terribly pastorlike and highfalutin, but one had to make allowances for trying situations.

"I reckon," Zack said, with the sharpest grin Pastor Reeve had ever seen off'n something that weren't a swamp gator, "there ain't no natural way I could lay down with him the same way I'd lie with a woman, on account of men and women not having the same parts."

"Oh," Pastor Reeve said, a little befuzzled; and then he said, "oh," only it meant something entirely different that time.

"And if that two-bit whore wants me to prove it," Zack said genially, "you tell the interfering slut that there ain't enough hooch in Pop Shinra's warehouse to get me far enough out of my head to look at her like anything better than a used-up dishrag."

"I figure I can do that," Pastor Reeve said, trying hard not to grin too much, because that wouldn't be proper.

"Just because a man has better taste than to sniff around her skirts," Zack muttered, and scrubbed a hand through that hedgehog-mess of his hair. "You'd better be careful she don't take a grudge against you too, sir, on account of how I reckon you've got better taste than that yourself."

"Indeed I do," Pastor Reeve said, and shuddered a little.

"So I'll take any kind of oath you want out of me, Pastor, and you'll know it for God's own truth whether or not you believe another word I say--"

"No," Pastor Reeve said. "I mean, yes -- I mean I reckon that makes good sense -- I mean, even aside from how you've got better taste than that... that... anyhow. Thank you, son."

"Don't mention it, Pastor," Zack said, and his usual sunshine-smile was back on, and the only clouds in the area were out in the chocobo pen being swarmed around the knees by young'uns. "More tea, sir?"

"Yes, please," Pastor Reeve said, and so that was that.

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Comments
 
From:raisedbymoogles
Date:January 9th, 2008 04:57 am (UTC)
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Reeve never had a chance, did he? XD
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 9th, 2008 05:38 am (UTC)
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Against Zack's sense of justice and that grin? Not a chance.

Of course, I'd imagine he's happier with the outcome he got than he would have been if he'd ended up having to succumb to gossip and try to replace Zack in the minds of a bunch of enthusiastic kids who adore him and Cloud and chocobos in equal measure...
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From:gigabomb
Date:January 9th, 2008 06:09 am (UTC)
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... I've read all three of your fanfics-for-fanfics as they came out, and... wow. You're really good at imitating style. If these had been posted on ciceqi's journal, I'm not sure I would have noticed any difference. Anyway, they were all fun, though my favorite was the anthro-verse one. Zack as a character is so perfect I find him a little dull, but how other characters react to him is always fun to read about. Poor Reeve. Poor anthro-verse!waitress too, for that matter.

One question, though; in ciceqi's Hillbillyverse, Hojo was a drifter, but here he's back to playing scientist. I was wondering if this was just a discrepancy, or you decided that at this point, several months after ciceqi's fic took place, Hojo would have established himself already doing what he does best.

Though I did love the idea of baby Sephiroth. Funny how much that would mess up the Zack/Cloud/Sephiroth dynamic in this universe with Sephiroth being a different generation entirely.
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 10th, 2008 05:48 am (UTC)
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about Hojo, I... totally missed that part. D'oh! @_@ *need a facepalm icon!* Sorry about that -- I've got the greasy-guy-in-a-white-coat-mucking-with-unpleasantness so fixed in my head with him, I missed the drifter part entirely. Whoooops! ^^;;;

And yeah, it really really does mess with the dynamics, doesn't it. Now I'm imagining the theosophical terror that would be Seph a half dozen years later, in Zack's Sunday School class. Poor, pooooor Pastor Reeve... ^___~
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From:askerian
Date:January 9th, 2008 01:21 pm (UTC)
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*dead of LMAO* Oh, I like this 'verse. it's so cracktastically fitting. Also yay for Zack and Reeve interaction. ♥
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 10th, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)
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Coyo's brain comes up with the most amazing places to go, doesn't it? ^___^ I'm not sure I could even guess where she got this one from, but "cracktastic" is SUCH a good word for it.
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From:dogmatix_san
Date:January 9th, 2008 05:50 pm (UTC)
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Your voice for the fic had me cracking up, and then you get to Zack's logic which is perfect and wonderful and full of win. XD Yay for Zack!
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 10th, 2008 05:53 am (UTC)
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(nodnodnod) I don't know which American folklore bit I'm trying to think of (it's waaaay too late on the day after massive work trauma of dead computerness), but something about Coyo's Hillbillyverse seems to make everyone want to gravitate to an archetype, and Zack seemed to be getting tugged in the clever-brer-rabbit direction in this one, talking his way out of a snare...
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From:aikonamika
Date:January 11th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
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*coughs* Hello, I'm a new person just here to stalk your journal, and I really love your fics. ^_^

And...uhm...well, this particular 'verse makes me wish I had access to a microphone, because I've literally gone and read both of these fics aloud to myself in a Southern accent and it works so well. *purrs*

Wonderful story!
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 13th, 2008 05:47 am (UTC)
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hi! ^____^ nice to meet you!

About the voices -- heeee. ♥ Coyo says she came from the South originally, and while I'm from only a couple hundred miles south of Chicago, most of my great-aunts and uncles moved here from Kentucky, and so I picked up enough of the "this is how the great-aunts talk when they're sitting around gossiping" to be able to imitate Coyo's voice on it.

cheater's note: also I love writing dialogue and am not much good at exposition, so the more you have the excuse to make the exposition sound and work like dialogue, the easier it gets to handle the exposition... :3
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From:idan_trradiak
Date:January 12th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
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...*FLAIL*

..And I thought I created cracky-alternaverses....!!

You rock so hard for pulling this off. xD

Also, today I ate the last of my little treats. It was a sad day in KitCatWorld.
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 13th, 2008 05:51 am (UTC)
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♥ ♥ ♥ Coyo is the QUEEN of AUs. She's got like eight of them running. Mascotverse is the longest-running of the series but they're all awesome. Be prepared to crack ribs laughing at the cute and then curl up and whimper a lot when your heart gets pulled out on account of yes this is FF7 and bad things happen to people you care a lot about but there's still so much love in it...

*hugs on* I invented a really spiffy hot chocolate recipe (not the "nuke wet powder for a minute thirty" version, the "get out a block of chocolate and a serrated knife" version) tonight (partially as fortification for reading Coyo's take on Nibelheim) if that'd help?
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From:lady_caterina
Date:January 13th, 2008 06:03 am (UTC)
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That would be wonderful. if I had realz choccy. It took me $24 today to do a week's worth of laundry. So. Yeah. Kitteh's day has been made of fail + lose.
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 13th, 2008 06:27 am (UTC)
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;______; yeah, I remember the evils of laundromat runs. I was so glad to get a portable washer that I could hook up to my kitchen faucet -- it paid for itself in less than a year; it was like $150 at Amazon, free shipping, so that's not too many weeks of laundry before the math does itself...

also, have you got chocolate chips? Because those work juuuuuust fine... XD
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From:lady_caterina
Date:January 13th, 2008 06:31 am (UTC)
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Well, we have a washer. xD Just not enough water....

Nope. But....I do have something almost that awesome! I just finished a teeny tiny little RCO!Era Cat and Tres drabble that I'm about to switch journals and post! xD
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 13th, 2008 06:33 am (UTC)
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My Gmail has been choking alllll day long, so I can't get at the original copy of my chocolate notes to forward them along to you, but here's my general reconstruction:

Either 1 square (1/2 oz) baker's chocolate and 1 Tbsp sugar to 1 1/2 cups of milk, or 1 1/2 Tbsp chocolate chips and about 1 tsp sugar since they're semisweet to start with and the baker's chocolate is unsweetened. Melt the chocolate in about 1/2 cup of the milk, then when the chocolate's melted in and smooth, add the rest of the milk and (if you like it Mayan) a pinch of cinnamon.

When it comes off the heat, add a few drops of vanilla, a tiny pinch of salt, and (again for Mayan) a drop or two of almond flavoring (or some of that almond syrup that goes into lattes, or some amaretto, or....)
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From:idan_trradiak
Date:January 13th, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
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That sounds utterly divine. xD

Here it is! Mai new babeh...

http://idan-trradiak.livejournal.com/

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From:white_jenna
Date:January 13th, 2008 07:00 pm (UTC)
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Hillbilly FFVII....
I think I'm in love....
Fantastic story!!!!!!!! :D
*runs off to check ciceqi's page*
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 13th, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
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Go for it! Go read all her stuff; she's awesome.
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From:yaoifangirl16
Date:January 13th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
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Reeve was lost the moment he showed up there.
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 13th, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
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Yeah he was, poor man. *sings the Doom Song and offers him more tea* XD
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From:yaoifangirl16
Date:January 13th, 2008 09:14 pm (UTC)
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XD LOL
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From:t_amara
Date:January 14th, 2008 03:56 am (UTC)
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Fun, fun, FUN!!!! stories, and you're doing the different voice/style needed for each SO well.... Ms. Coyote's a genius, ain't she????, and these are wonderful imitation-as-flattery, truly... Favorite over all: the anthro story, I'm running over to her site NOW, the whole concept made me laugh until I choked. Although tentacled Sephy doing the wash KILLED me!
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 14th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
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She totally is! Both incredibly talented and incredibly prolific, which makes a fan-reader's dreams all come true at once. ^__^

I'm hard pressed to figure out which is my own favorite of these three -- I've got such a soft spot for Anthroverse Zack and Cloud, but on the other hand I worked so darn hard on the tentacle one, but the Hillbillyverse one was the most chortle-inducing to write on account of me coming by the dialect natural-like if'n you go back on either side of the family (all I had to do was point my ears back at some family Thanksgiving dinners really...)

TentacleSeph doing the wash was the very first mental image that hit me for that fic. And then it was joined by AT LEAST A HUNDRED AND THIRTY MORE mental images and I had to bust out the machete. XDDD

Glad you liked 'em!
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From:riari
Date:January 23rd, 2008 06:57 am (UTC)
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Hehehee, loved this! Go Zack go!

Reeve really didn't stand a chance. :>
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From:chibirisuchan
Date:January 27th, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, being a preacher in a fundamentalist town where Zack is your Sunday school teacher and Sephiroth is likely to be the most heretical little hellion ever to cross the church doors without screaming and dissolving in a pile of ash? Poor, poooooor Reeve. But I was totally rooting for Zack too. XD
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From:holymoocow
Date:February 21st, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
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Mmkay, I'm a bit late in commenting, but I adore this. :D Born in the South, but denied the opportunity to soak up the local dialect. Though wonderful fics like this help me get in touch with my inner-Southern-belle. <333333
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From:mako_pretty
Date:May 1st, 2008 09:08 am (UTC)
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Oh lord!
*dies laughing*
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